My littlest one (22 months) has developed an attachment to Barbie that is unrivaled in my family. Our oldest (25 years) used to collect Barbie's, but she never developed this overwhelming bond with the doll.
Veronica (the wee one) must have her new pal with her at all times. I have learned that Barbie stars in every major motion picture ever made. There is Barbie Fairytopia, and Barbie in the Nutcracker and Barbie in the The Swan Princess, Barbie in The Princess and the Pauper, Barbie as Rapunzel, Barbie in Mermaidia and who knows what else.
Do you know how many times I have seen (or heard) Barbie in The Swan Princess? Neither do I but to be sure, it is about a hundred times too many. But Veronica wants to watch it again and again and again . . .
You know one of the sad truths about these movies? They are actually pretty engaging. I'll be walking by the TV and I'll stop. Ten minutes later I realize what I am doing and slink off, hopefully without being noticed.
Barbie does come in very handy. On car trips of over twenty minutes, Barbie will dance through the air in the backseat keeping the tone of the trip upbeat and happy. The doll is now one of the prerequisite items to pack in the car when going anywhere. Diaper bag - check. Sippee cup - check. Barbie - check.
I have four daughters. Only Veronica has shown this intense infatuation with the blonded doll. Heck, I grew up with three sisters and never saw such a thing.
Ultimately it is the magic of animation that has sold my little one on Miss Barbie. The 12 Dancing Princesses is most likely her favorite. Veronica loves to watch them dance and will make sure everyone in the room is aware of what is happening as they dance their way across the screen.
Barbie calms her when she's tired, Barbie dances with her whenever she wishes it, Barbie goes night-night with her when she's fighting sleep. All in all, Barbie makes life a little easier around here.
I have learned the value of the Barbie connection.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Kids and goats - A little respect please?
kid - A young goat, killed between 6 weeks and 4 months old. Considered to be a delicacy. Later the flesh is likely to develop a strong goat flavor and is unpalatable. It is cooked in any way for young lamb, but as the meat is rather tasteless, it is often marinated.
Ok, this definition is a bit extreme, but there once was a day when the word "kid" was derogatory. For my money, it remains so. The word kid when used in regard to human children is still considered slang. Why can't we give our children the respect of being called "children"? I hear a mother say "Yea, she's my kid." and I cringe. She is not her goat nor is she her slaughtered goat meat nor should she be her slang. The girl is her daughter, her beloved child.
Today our youth is so disenfranchised with adults, especially parents. Did this happen magically? Did our youth become angry due to factors outside the family? No. Children develop issues with parents, from parents. Fathers can be especially susceptable to creating an angry child by being distant and hard in demeanor. But why do we continue to perpetuate parent/child division by addressing our children with the least respectful label we can think of?
Why not give our children respect by addressing them with honorable names? All I want to address in this blog is the word "kid". I have never liked hearing "Yea, she's my old lady." because it is disrespectful to the person's mother. But where did this child learn to speak like that?
I was rarely called a kid while growing up and when I was, I found it offensive. When I heard the words "my son" come out of my parents mouth, I felt a strong sense of pride and appreciation for being considered an integral part of our family.
A kid is no more than an animal. I fear the common usage of the word today in reference to our children will make it the accepted term for children. In a day and age when our children need all the love, support and guidance we can supply as parents, let's not push them away further by lableing them with slang or worse, likening them to animals.
They are our children. We are to love and nurture them in our words and deeds. I would love to hear fathers make a stand and proudly introduce their son or daughter. It is truly the little things that count in this world. Please, check the word "kid" at the door to your brain and use instead the very honorable moniker of "son" or "daughter." Our children will sense that they are important and even better still, loved.
Ok, this definition is a bit extreme, but there once was a day when the word "kid" was derogatory. For my money, it remains so. The word kid when used in regard to human children is still considered slang. Why can't we give our children the respect of being called "children"? I hear a mother say "Yea, she's my kid." and I cringe. She is not her goat nor is she her slaughtered goat meat nor should she be her slang. The girl is her daughter, her beloved child.
Today our youth is so disenfranchised with adults, especially parents. Did this happen magically? Did our youth become angry due to factors outside the family? No. Children develop issues with parents, from parents. Fathers can be especially susceptable to creating an angry child by being distant and hard in demeanor. But why do we continue to perpetuate parent/child division by addressing our children with the least respectful label we can think of?
Why not give our children respect by addressing them with honorable names? All I want to address in this blog is the word "kid". I have never liked hearing "Yea, she's my old lady." because it is disrespectful to the person's mother. But where did this child learn to speak like that?
I was rarely called a kid while growing up and when I was, I found it offensive. When I heard the words "my son" come out of my parents mouth, I felt a strong sense of pride and appreciation for being considered an integral part of our family.
A kid is no more than an animal. I fear the common usage of the word today in reference to our children will make it the accepted term for children. In a day and age when our children need all the love, support and guidance we can supply as parents, let's not push them away further by lableing them with slang or worse, likening them to animals.
They are our children. We are to love and nurture them in our words and deeds. I would love to hear fathers make a stand and proudly introduce their son or daughter. It is truly the little things that count in this world. Please, check the word "kid" at the door to your brain and use instead the very honorable moniker of "son" or "daughter." Our children will sense that they are important and even better still, loved.
Bed time for babies
My daughter never wants to sleep. She is 20 months old. She needs to sleep, but according to her, sleep is a waste of time. Her lack of desire for sleep is siphoning my precious sleep time. She amazes me by going all out all the time. I do have a couple secrets up my sleeve that she has not figured out yet.
One is the evening walk. If I time it just right, she will fall asleep in her stroller, I can put her in bed and still make my bedtime. This calls for strict awareness of the time. If I wait too long, I am out walking around long after bedtime and this will be the one time my little secret does not work.
I also have success in picking her up and walking her around the house. Granted she has to be so tired she is rubbing her eyes, but it can be effective without having to leave the confines of the house.
Having gone through this with the other children you would think I would be better prepared. Unfortunately knowledge does not necessarily make you a more efficient father. It should. What does make you more efficient is a willingness to get up and make things happen.
The old "ounce of prevention" thing is invaluable. When I am on top of things, she is walked to sleep and I am blissfully tucked away on time. When I get a little lazy and choose TV or a computer game over good sense, well, there goes the ol' bedtime again.
I suppose my littlest one is not much different from me. I always seem to stay up a little too late. I think we both are afraid of missing out on something.
One is the evening walk. If I time it just right, she will fall asleep in her stroller, I can put her in bed and still make my bedtime. This calls for strict awareness of the time. If I wait too long, I am out walking around long after bedtime and this will be the one time my little secret does not work.
I also have success in picking her up and walking her around the house. Granted she has to be so tired she is rubbing her eyes, but it can be effective without having to leave the confines of the house.
Having gone through this with the other children you would think I would be better prepared. Unfortunately knowledge does not necessarily make you a more efficient father. It should. What does make you more efficient is a willingness to get up and make things happen.
The old "ounce of prevention" thing is invaluable. When I am on top of things, she is walked to sleep and I am blissfully tucked away on time. When I get a little lazy and choose TV or a computer game over good sense, well, there goes the ol' bedtime again.
I suppose my littlest one is not much different from me. I always seem to stay up a little too late. I think we both are afraid of missing out on something.
Hear no evil, see no evil, copy no evil
You are sitting at the dining room table with your best friend when your toddler comes up and asks, "Mr. Mike, can I see your beer belly? Momma says you have a big one!" You think, omigosh! How can he ask that question? Where did that come from? And more importantly, how am I going to fix this?
We tend to forget that children are mental sponges. We constantly say and do things in front of them expecting them to ignore us in their childish state of blissfulness. Then something like the above situation arises and we are confronted with the truth - we are our children's role models.
What we say and do will show up in their lives at some point. I can be quick to point out to siblings, "don't do that, we don't want to teach your little sister any bad habits", but in the next moment I am kicking off my socks beside my easy chair with the well-intentioned thought that I will place them in the clothes hamper when I get up. Yea, right.
Can we present a "perfect" model to our children? Of course not, and in this world I believe that would be doing them a disservice anyway. They need to see us mess up, but they must also witness our correction of the situation. If we do not make the effort to pick up after ourselves, to apologize when we say things we shouldn't or to mend hurt feelings before they fester, how can we ever expect our child to do these things?
Children will copy anyone they find interesting, anyone they love, anyone they have a strong bond with and anyone who makes them laugh. The insidious aspect of this is that they may not physically reproduce this "copy" until much later. This is where you are left stammering in front of your best friend that your wife really does like him and that your child is exaggerating - or, a much better solution - you apologize for the verbal transgression (especially if it was you that said it to begin with).
By doing this you show your child that it does not hurt to admit you've made a mistake and that making amends is important. Children will copy. They listen. They learn. Be mindful of the material that you supply them with. When you find you've blown it in a big way, be a man and make things right.
The best role model openly corrects his mistakes. Your children will make many mistakes of their own in life. You can teach them how to effectively work through these errors and build the positive relationships every father desires for his children.
We tend to forget that children are mental sponges. We constantly say and do things in front of them expecting them to ignore us in their childish state of blissfulness. Then something like the above situation arises and we are confronted with the truth - we are our children's role models.
What we say and do will show up in their lives at some point. I can be quick to point out to siblings, "don't do that, we don't want to teach your little sister any bad habits", but in the next moment I am kicking off my socks beside my easy chair with the well-intentioned thought that I will place them in the clothes hamper when I get up. Yea, right.
Can we present a "perfect" model to our children? Of course not, and in this world I believe that would be doing them a disservice anyway. They need to see us mess up, but they must also witness our correction of the situation. If we do not make the effort to pick up after ourselves, to apologize when we say things we shouldn't or to mend hurt feelings before they fester, how can we ever expect our child to do these things?
Children will copy anyone they find interesting, anyone they love, anyone they have a strong bond with and anyone who makes them laugh. The insidious aspect of this is that they may not physically reproduce this "copy" until much later. This is where you are left stammering in front of your best friend that your wife really does like him and that your child is exaggerating - or, a much better solution - you apologize for the verbal transgression (especially if it was you that said it to begin with).
By doing this you show your child that it does not hurt to admit you've made a mistake and that making amends is important. Children will copy. They listen. They learn. Be mindful of the material that you supply them with. When you find you've blown it in a big way, be a man and make things right.
The best role model openly corrects his mistakes. Your children will make many mistakes of their own in life. You can teach them how to effectively work through these errors and build the positive relationships every father desires for his children.
Childish Details
I noted yesterday how my 18 month old daughter pays extremely close attention to the everyday hustle and bustle of life in my house. With four children, mom and dad, things can get hectic in short order. Yet, she always seems to know when I am leaving, where I am going or what I am doing. She sees me putting on socks and immediately gets my shoes and hands them to me. Nine times out of ten she gets the correct pair too.
She soaks up every little detail of how things work, and when you least expect it, she is opening bottles, unzipping things and answering the phone (even though she has virtually no vocabulary as yet). With all this attention to detail, you would think we would watch what we say and do. But I know on a day to day basis, she is picking up on all the things I wish she wouldn't hear or do. She also likes to go to the bathroom with me. While I understand this is a necessary step toward potty training, I do remember and cherish that time of private solitude I once had. I can only hope she learns the ways of the bathroom as quickly as she learned to open "childproof" bottles.
Fatherhood keeps you on your toes. Be aware of your children's ever expanding universe of perception and be there to assist as needed. You will be amazed at what you learn.
She soaks up every little detail of how things work, and when you least expect it, she is opening bottles, unzipping things and answering the phone (even though she has virtually no vocabulary as yet). With all this attention to detail, you would think we would watch what we say and do. But I know on a day to day basis, she is picking up on all the things I wish she wouldn't hear or do. She also likes to go to the bathroom with me. While I understand this is a necessary step toward potty training, I do remember and cherish that time of private solitude I once had. I can only hope she learns the ways of the bathroom as quickly as she learned to open "childproof" bottles.
Fatherhood keeps you on your toes. Be aware of your children's ever expanding universe of perception and be there to assist as needed. You will be amazed at what you learn.
Time to Love Our Children
Do you want to spend more time with your children? Do you have trouble finding it? There are times I don't believe there are any fathers out there busier than me. I am sure if you polled fathers nationwide you would get much the same response.
So, how do we make sure our children are getting enough of us? In my experience (six children - four girls, two boys) I have found that you must make them your top priority, even though the rest of the world is screaming for you time and attention. Truly, you don't have to spend an entire evening with each child to help them feel loved and connected to you. What you must do, though, is give them a block of time in which you give them your undivided attention.
Sometimes all they need is twenty minutes. Sometimes they may need an hour. Yesterday my ten year old son wanted to play me in a game of chess. We had never played before and it was obviously important to him to measure himself against his dad. I agreed to play after he finished his chores. We ended up playing three games. I am not a chess player and he is just learning. While he did lose, I could tell he felt good about himself afterward. He was able to hold his own for a while and he learned some of the limited knowledge I have on the game. I am sure he will go on to beat me soon.
The most important thing a father can give his child is love. The next most important is time.
So, how do we make sure our children are getting enough of us? In my experience (six children - four girls, two boys) I have found that you must make them your top priority, even though the rest of the world is screaming for you time and attention. Truly, you don't have to spend an entire evening with each child to help them feel loved and connected to you. What you must do, though, is give them a block of time in which you give them your undivided attention.
Sometimes all they need is twenty minutes. Sometimes they may need an hour. Yesterday my ten year old son wanted to play me in a game of chess. We had never played before and it was obviously important to him to measure himself against his dad. I agreed to play after he finished his chores. We ended up playing three games. I am not a chess player and he is just learning. While he did lose, I could tell he felt good about himself afterward. He was able to hold his own for a while and he learned some of the limited knowledge I have on the game. I am sure he will go on to beat me soon.
The most important thing a father can give his child is love. The next most important is time.
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