My wife had to go work a part time job today. I wasn't expecting it (I'd missed the info alerts she'd given me for the past week) and I had to get the house cleaned up for company tonight. My biggest problem was I had a full day's work set up for my writing.
I decided to do something I've written in a white paper - clean up WITH my children rather than assigning chores. I have done this on occasion and been very successful with it. Too often I feel too pressed for time to actually follow through with this tactic.
Working together was a total success. I was able to reign in the constant distraction of my son and keep my daughter from hiding away somewhere. Also, my oldest daughter threw in with me when she saw me working.
Yes, this foray into cleaning cost me two precious hours of writing time, but it gained me a clean house that I'm not embarrassed to invite friends over to. Even my two year old chipped in and helped out. This is most definitely the way to maintain a house with a gaggle of children running around. Enlist their assistance by providing your own.
I can readjust my writing for the day. My wife will come home and not have to scramble around in a kitchen that's a mess, and I won't have to blanch as I clear a spot on the couch for our guests. It is amazing what children will do if you include yourself in the activity, whether it be cleaning house or working on a project or simply playing a game.
Fathers especially should take the time to do this as it sends many messages. One - you love your children enough to help them out in something you hated to do as a child too, Two - you show your wife she's not in this housecleaning thing alone and Three - you accomplish in fairly short order what otherwise would have taken many hours if not days.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Independence Through Manners
My two-year-old (she'll be three in two months) has bought into positive reinforcement along the learning curve trail. Her potty training has been accomplished with relative ease through a series of rewards for successful completion of her task and an effusive praise campaign put on by the entire family. She is excited and proud to have made it to the next level of growing up.
She approaches much of life in this manner. As a father, my desire is that we can keep moving down this positive reinforcement path with her in everything we do. Ballet is another success story. She loves to dance and will ask to perform for us (the family and strangers alike). With our enthusiastic response, she will, at some point, ask that an instructional ballet DVD be put in and played. She will then proceed to practice the steps shown with a focused concentration on detail.
I believe this method of learning and behavior began when she was six months old. We purchased some American Sign Language DVD's. This little tiny girl would avidly watch and sign along with the instructor for hours. She has never shown any sign of boredom with learning.
She also loves to dress herself and put her own shoes on. While these things are by no means miraculous, they are positive signs of healthy independence. My littlest daughter is always quick to lend a hand with a heartfelt desire to assist in any project underway. From cleaning bedrooms and bathrooms to helping out in the great outdoors, this little marvel is there to please.
She also loves to use the words please and thank you. She even has an expectation they be used when speaking to her. Whenever I hear her polite requests, I can't help but be amazed at what very small children can learn. She is quite the character.
By emphasizing politeness in everything she does, we have been able to develop a little girl who likes to read, interact with others and do for herself tasks that many children older than her refuse to do. Everything we teach our children either comes back to haunt us (or them) or bless us (or them).
Manners appear more and more to be a lost art. It's always the other person's responsibility to be polite first. That's a shame, because when you lead with your best manners, good things happen. Like independence.
She approaches much of life in this manner. As a father, my desire is that we can keep moving down this positive reinforcement path with her in everything we do. Ballet is another success story. She loves to dance and will ask to perform for us (the family and strangers alike). With our enthusiastic response, she will, at some point, ask that an instructional ballet DVD be put in and played. She will then proceed to practice the steps shown with a focused concentration on detail.
I believe this method of learning and behavior began when she was six months old. We purchased some American Sign Language DVD's. This little tiny girl would avidly watch and sign along with the instructor for hours. She has never shown any sign of boredom with learning.
She also loves to dress herself and put her own shoes on. While these things are by no means miraculous, they are positive signs of healthy independence. My littlest daughter is always quick to lend a hand with a heartfelt desire to assist in any project underway. From cleaning bedrooms and bathrooms to helping out in the great outdoors, this little marvel is there to please.
She also loves to use the words please and thank you. She even has an expectation they be used when speaking to her. Whenever I hear her polite requests, I can't help but be amazed at what very small children can learn. She is quite the character.
By emphasizing politeness in everything she does, we have been able to develop a little girl who likes to read, interact with others and do for herself tasks that many children older than her refuse to do. Everything we teach our children either comes back to haunt us (or them) or bless us (or them).
Manners appear more and more to be a lost art. It's always the other person's responsibility to be polite first. That's a shame, because when you lead with your best manners, good things happen. Like independence.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Mr. Mom vs Dad
I just spent the last three weeks playing the role of Mr. Mom while Mom was out working a temp job. In the past, way in the past, I thought this would be a simple assignment. Fortunately for me, I learned a few years ago this was not the case.
So this time, I put off the notion that the children would police themselves so I could concentrate on my work. I went into this marathon with the expectation that I hold the fort and make some progress daily on the chores that need to be maintained in a household of six. We kept the dishes up, the floors relatively clear and clean, schoolwork done and clothes washed.
While this is not all that needed to be done, it was good just to keep these things covered. I did manage to work some, and I did manage to interact with my children on many levels, yet we all knew that life in our household was disrupted. When you take on an additional parental role, the entire house can get disoriented.
As Dad, I tend to be more interactive on a fun level. As Mr. Mom, I tend to have to stay on my children to accomplish tasks and goals. Chores are one of the battlegrounds I learned quite a while ago where you need to follow up in a detailed fashion. Children have a tendency (many adults as well), to call a chore "close enough" when there is still a significant amount of work to be done.
Meals were another challenge, and keeping them served on a timely basis was a challenge unto themselves. On the upside, the family rhythms and systems we have in place were excellent aids to help us achieve a modicum of continuity and smooth sailing.
As issues cropped up, we handled them together, keeping teamwork on high alert. This is critical to maintaining the household without major meltdowns. The day Mom came back, no doubt, there was a collective sigh of relief.
Mr. Mom can be a very effective person, but for the flow of the family, I'll take the role of Dad any day. Mom is superhuman and the entire family knows it, including Dad.
So this time, I put off the notion that the children would police themselves so I could concentrate on my work. I went into this marathon with the expectation that I hold the fort and make some progress daily on the chores that need to be maintained in a household of six. We kept the dishes up, the floors relatively clear and clean, schoolwork done and clothes washed.
While this is not all that needed to be done, it was good just to keep these things covered. I did manage to work some, and I did manage to interact with my children on many levels, yet we all knew that life in our household was disrupted. When you take on an additional parental role, the entire house can get disoriented.
As Dad, I tend to be more interactive on a fun level. As Mr. Mom, I tend to have to stay on my children to accomplish tasks and goals. Chores are one of the battlegrounds I learned quite a while ago where you need to follow up in a detailed fashion. Children have a tendency (many adults as well), to call a chore "close enough" when there is still a significant amount of work to be done.
Meals were another challenge, and keeping them served on a timely basis was a challenge unto themselves. On the upside, the family rhythms and systems we have in place were excellent aids to help us achieve a modicum of continuity and smooth sailing.
As issues cropped up, we handled them together, keeping teamwork on high alert. This is critical to maintaining the household without major meltdowns. The day Mom came back, no doubt, there was a collective sigh of relief.
Mr. Mom can be a very effective person, but for the flow of the family, I'll take the role of Dad any day. Mom is superhuman and the entire family knows it, including Dad.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Encouraging Educational Achievement
An interesting thing happened on my way to homeschool. As a father, I wanted my children to excel - in everything. While I understand this is unreasonable on one hand, I secretly harbored the dream I had a multi-talented genius level student lurking in the mind of at least one of my children.
Once I was confronted with the struggles and even motivation of my children, I soon hoped for at least literacy. This too was an extreme bungle on my part. My children are very smart, as are most children out in this big, wide world. One of the tricks is to convince your children that education is better for them than the latest X-box game.
I am a writer. I have one child who is a voracious reader. I just knew she would follow in my footsteps, get bit by the writing bug, and be off and running. I suggested a year or so ago that she consider writing. Her response? "Dad, I hate writing!"
Not only was the air let out of my balloon, I was deflated as well. Instead of pushing to convince her, though, I let it be. A few months ago, three to be exact, this same daughter was dismayed at how long it was going to be until the next installment of the book series she was reading would become available. She stumbled across a fan-fiction site related to the book and got hooked on writing.
She not only got hooked, but is now writing 2000 per day. Do you understand what 2000 words per day is? Basically, you have a novel in a month and a half. This would be nine novels a year. There are days I struggle to get 500 words! Better watch what you ask for, eh?
The upside to all this is that her two immediate younger siblings have caught the writing bug as well. While not nearly as prolific (thank goodness, I don't need everyone making me look bad), they are interested in sentence structure and how to create a powerful story.
All this background is written here to show you that often, all you need to do is plant a seed and let time do it's job. Now I am teaching how to use powerful action verbs instead of passive, concrete, solid nouns instead of general and I am diagramming sentences to an interested group of children ages 9, 11, and 13.
When you see an educational opportunity with your children, you should encourage it with your time and attention. If your child is not yet receptive, lay back. Sure, they need to learn the three r's, but you don't need to push them. Let your children pick a direction, then you do your best to bring learning to them in that particular area.
I am thrilled that my children want to see my edits of their work. They aren't looking at this as "graded" papers. They are looking at my edits as improvement points they can employ on their next chapter. Is this not what school should be all about?
Encourage your children in their academic pursuits, don't push. Everyone wins. Can you see the smile on my face?
Once I was confronted with the struggles and even motivation of my children, I soon hoped for at least literacy. This too was an extreme bungle on my part. My children are very smart, as are most children out in this big, wide world. One of the tricks is to convince your children that education is better for them than the latest X-box game.
I am a writer. I have one child who is a voracious reader. I just knew she would follow in my footsteps, get bit by the writing bug, and be off and running. I suggested a year or so ago that she consider writing. Her response? "Dad, I hate writing!"
Not only was the air let out of my balloon, I was deflated as well. Instead of pushing to convince her, though, I let it be. A few months ago, three to be exact, this same daughter was dismayed at how long it was going to be until the next installment of the book series she was reading would become available. She stumbled across a fan-fiction site related to the book and got hooked on writing.
She not only got hooked, but is now writing 2000 per day. Do you understand what 2000 words per day is? Basically, you have a novel in a month and a half. This would be nine novels a year. There are days I struggle to get 500 words! Better watch what you ask for, eh?
The upside to all this is that her two immediate younger siblings have caught the writing bug as well. While not nearly as prolific (thank goodness, I don't need everyone making me look bad), they are interested in sentence structure and how to create a powerful story.
All this background is written here to show you that often, all you need to do is plant a seed and let time do it's job. Now I am teaching how to use powerful action verbs instead of passive, concrete, solid nouns instead of general and I am diagramming sentences to an interested group of children ages 9, 11, and 13.
When you see an educational opportunity with your children, you should encourage it with your time and attention. If your child is not yet receptive, lay back. Sure, they need to learn the three r's, but you don't need to push them. Let your children pick a direction, then you do your best to bring learning to them in that particular area.
I am thrilled that my children want to see my edits of their work. They aren't looking at this as "graded" papers. They are looking at my edits as improvement points they can employ on their next chapter. Is this not what school should be all about?
Encourage your children in their academic pursuits, don't push. Everyone wins. Can you see the smile on my face?
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